Monday, November 25, 2013

M is for M.O.B.

M.O.B.- Mother of the Bride

This role is defined differently with every Wedding because every Mother-Daughter relationship is different.  Lots of relationships are strained during the wedding planning process.   In order to avoid hurt feelings and unnecessary stress make clear boundaries from the get go.  Some mothers want to plan, execute and pay for the whole event.  Some moms are happy to just show up and give you a hug after you say I Do.  With these helpful tips you can define the roles through a loving and accepting way.

photo credit: 

DON'T let your mom do more than one wedding job.

I know this sounds hard because your mother is most likely your hero and you want her to help with everything.  Don't let her!  It is impossible for her to sew your dress, bake your cake, arrange your flowers and actually have a good time. Expecting your mother to do several tasks will eventually cause strain on the relationship and you may accidentally start treating her more like an employee and less like a parent.

DO let her tag along to Vendor Meetings, she is great support!

(Cake Tasting, Venue Walk Through, Dress Fitting)

DON'T keep her in the dark with details.

As you confirm details and set dates keep your mom in the loop.  Using a method such as Google Documents for your Itineraries, Spreadsheets and Contracts is super helpful.  You can choose which contacts can view which forms.  If you enable your mom to have access to this source she can look over the details at her leisure and digest what is going on at her own pace.  This is especially helpful if your parents are footing the bill, they will appreciate knowing where the money is going.

DON'T send out Invitations without her browsing over the guest list.

While you were busy completing college, traveling abroad and falling in love your family has most likely changed.  Families are always morphing through divorce, death, birth and remarriage.  Let your mum take a double look to make sure not too offend anyone with incorrect invitations.

DO be clear with her role on the big day.

Lots of mothers are now accompanying their daughters down the aisle.  I know my mom will be.  No matter how she is involved, make sure to communicate where she is getting dressed, what time you need her at the venue and exactly where she is walking and sitting during the ceremony.

photo credit: Eric Asistin Photography 

DO let her match, well kinda.

Help your mother to feel included by asking her to wear a shade lighter or darker than your Bridesmaids.  
The bride with her mother and bridesmaids in the interior garden at the Lodge at Torrey Pines

photo credit: Chris Keeney

DO take pictures together.
Make sure to pre-plan when you will have your mother pictures.  Most Brides find it best to do during the getting ready photos.  It's very sweet to capture mom helping her little girl to get dressed or fasten jewelry.

photo credit: Kate Webber Photography

DO ask her to give you Something Old.

DON'T forget to dance together!
The Father-Daughter Dance is traditionally slow and sappy.  Have a fun and upbeat song picked out and scheduled for the reception.  Make sure the DJ introduces it so your mom can feel honored.

Do take a quiet moment on your Wedding Day to look your mother in the eyes and say "I love you".

*The Bridal Encyclopedia Tip of the Day*

While writing this post it left me thinking about how I would honor my mom at my wedding.  We grew up dancing around the living room, so a dance together would be imperative.  She is a pretty kick -ass dancer so it would have to be something upbeat, without being too romantic.  Here are my top 3 choices:

1. Love Shack by B52's

2. Love on Top by Beyonce

3. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper

How involved was your M.O.B in your wedding day?  What jobs or tasks were you so glad your mom helped you with?  What did she wear?


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